Nostalgic

I’m seeing a lot of back to school pictures on Facebook today. Too soon. I remember, when my kids were growing up, being sad when they were getting ready to go back. I really enjoyed having them home all day. It was fun and gave us a chance to explore and do things we couldn’t do during the school year. Staying up late. Drive in movies that didn’t start until 9 pm. Road trips. I loved having them home all day long.

And I’m sad too because the time for my daughter and the kids to move is getting close. I’m not sure how I’ll handle it, at least at the beginning. It’s the end of one phase, and although that means it is the beginning of another one, I’m still sad.

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Changes, Fear, Oh My!

Well, now what will I do?

As most of you know, I live about a two minute walk from three of my four grandchildren. I see them every day. My life pretty much revolves around what they need and their calls to take them to the park. Really, they call me. We both have Amazon Echo devices so they can call me very easily by asking Alexa to call their Nana. And they do call me to ask me to take them to the park or to the store or any number of places. I love seeing them every day. When they were gone for a week last month, I was depressed and didn’t know what to do with myself.

And now they’re moving. Moving away from me. At least it’s in the works. We aren’t sure when but it will, most likely be this summer, before school starts so the boys can start school when the school year begins. And that’s the other thing, I homeschool one of them so that means he’ll have to go back to regular school and I don’t think he’s ready for that. If my daughter’s plan works out they will be about forty minutes away from me. I know that’s not far and I’m glad they won’t be further but that means I won’t see them every day and it will be more difficult to see them because the time will have to be planned out to fit in with their schedule and traffic, which at times could make it more like an hour to drive over to see them.

I just found out less than twenty-four hours ago and I’m still in shock.

My daughter depends on me a lot. She calls me with no notice to go watch the kids for her or to go put Maya to sleep because I’m the only one that she’ll let put her to sleep when she is being cranky. And that little girl gets so excited when I go over. She sees me and throws her head back with a huge giggle. And she cries without consolation when I leave.

And I guess the other side is that I am comfortable with having them so close. When I fall, I can call them for help. When I’m sick and need soup or medicine from the store, I can call on them. When I need a ceiling height light bulb changed, I have to call them because I can’t get on the step ladder due to my knee. And of course, my health is now failing and I really have peace of mind knowing that they are so close. Now they won’t be.

I’m just kind of falling apart at the news. I know that in the end, we’ll all learn to live with it and it will be okay but I’m really having a tough time with it. I was just at the point where I was not going to renew my driver’s license because I’m having so much trouble with my eyes and physically, I can’t always sufficiently check for traffic when I’m driving. I scare myself at times when I realize how close I came to being in an accident. And if I do that, I won’t be able to drive to see them. I won’t be able to even get groceries. My daughter is the one that takes me to get groceries because I can’t stand or walk very long so she is there to grab things for me quickly and finish my shopping if I need to go sit for a rest.

Anyway, it will also mean fewer blog posts about my adorable grandchildren and what they say and do. I guess I will have to write about other things.

If we can all get used to it and get into different routines, it will be best for my daughter and the kids. It will mean a lot of changes (she’ll be permanently separating from her partner which is a good thing) for the kids and the changes will hit all at once. They will be moving physically, not living with their dad, not seeing me every day, not being around familiar surroundings. I’m scared for them.

Well, that’s my brain and heart dump for the day. 😦

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#March For Our Lives

Today is the day. The day when our youth march in protest against gun violence and lax gun laws. They are marching for their lives. They are marching for the lives of future generations. They are marching for us. Yes. They are marching for me and for you. They are marching for anyone that could get caught up in gun violence…in schools, at the shopping mall, at the theater, everywhere.

It is not just a kids’ march. It’s a march for all of us. Yes, it was organized by kids in the aftermath of the Parkland school shooting that took seventeen lives but it is a march for us all. We have to have their back. We adults have to have their back. They can make a difference and watching coverage from one city to another it is clear that these kids are angry. They want change. They are ready to march and to speak out and to fight for a change. And we have to have their back. We have to support them. We have failed them and it is our turn to stand up and support them.

Here in Portland, as I write, the march is underway. The numbers are huge. Police are baffled. They didn’t know what to expect as far as numbers and they still can’t make a good estimate. They know that there are approximately 12,000 in the vicinity of Court House Square but there are many more still marching toward the area where speeches will be made. There are miles of marchers approaching. The marchers are all ages. There are people of all generations, adults and teens and children.

And it is peaceful. Peace. What a concept.

It is also vocal. And it is important to note that politicians are watching and listening. These marchers are mostly either of voting age or are approaching voting age within a very few years. Politicians need to listen because these kids are not going any place but to the voting booths across the country in elections in local cities, and in states and in our nation.

We need to have their backs. If you can’t go out and march that’s okay. You can still support them. You can write about it. You can talk about it. You can tweet. You can contact your local representatives. Keep it going. They are marching for me and for you. Don’t forget that.

#March for our lives.

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It’s Here! It’s Here! — #WeekendCoffeeShare

It’s Saturday; the weekend. Time to come together for a chat. Today I am drinking coffee from Kauai. I wish I were enjoying it in Kauai but such is life!

What’s here? AUTUMN. I usually hate the switch from summer to autumn but this year has been the longest, hottest, most miserable summer and I am ready for cooler temperatures and some rain. We haven’t had rain since April and for Portland, that’s very unusual. We are supposed to have a BIG rain tomorrow. They are saying more than an inch and a half in twenty-four hours. I hope they are right. It will help with all of the fires in the rain’s path and with our air quality.

Last night I had to run around the house and close all the windows and then this morning it got chilly enough inside to turn on the heater. We are supposed to go to an outdoor movie in the park this evening, the boys and I. I’m hoping the smoke isn’t too bad. I can smell it here as I sit and type (I just opened the window). But perhaps by the time it is movie and park time, it will have dissipated or maybe it will blow in a different direction.

School has started so I have had my second grade grandson here every day (I homeschool him). I am supposed to have another child for two days a week of school but she hasn’t come yet. I think this coming week will be when she joins us.

My daughter is at a vendor event today and tomorrow so I had the boys overnight and all day. Tomorrow I will also have the baby. Let’s see how I do. I still don’t have my strength or stamina back after surgery and am still not supposed to be bending or lifting a 22 pound baby but you know how family is. They forget all of that when they need you and it is really hard for me to say no. So we shall see how we all do.

Spencer began preschool this week. The first day was great and he came home with a smile but the rest of the week he cried when his mommy walked him out to the bus. He likes riding the bus to and from, though. It makes him feel like a big boy!  I am hoping he takes to it soon. It’s so difficult to watch him cry as he leaves and his little head, barely tall enough to peak over the window, is down and I know he’s crying. Awww!

I’ve read some interesting books lately. I think I might review them on the blog later in the week as I need to write my amazon and my goodreads reviews. I will say that I was very impressed with The Designer by Marius Gabriel. It is one of this month’s Kindle First Reads, which are free to Amazon Prime members. One of the perks of having Prime. It won’t be released until October 1 but you can grab it now if you head over to Amazon.

I’m currently reading Perfect Little World by Kevin Wilson and it looks quite good (I’m just at 30%). I borrowed it from the library so I have to get busy and finish it.

That’s about all that is going on here. What is your weather like? Has the season changed yet? Have you taken any trips? Read books? Watched a movie? Let me know. I sometimes get ideas for books to read and movies to watch from my readers. Keep the suggestions coming!

#WeekendCoffeeShare is a weekly blog linkup hosted by Diana at Part Time Monster Blog. I will come back and link when the link is up!

 

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One Little Change…

…can make a world of difference.

I often used to think about something my former sister-in-law said to me when my son was about six or seven.  She heard him say that he hated something and she commented that “hate is a very strong word and children shouldn’t be using it”.  It kind of bothered me that she was trying to tell me what I should allow my son to say and what I should not allow him to say.  I even discussed it with my husband and he agreed with me.  I didn’t let it bother me but it did stay on my mind for awhile.  Through the years, I would remember it.

We go through every day life hearing others say the word hate in connection with all sorts of things: foods, places, people, activities, etc.  We, most of us anyway, use it indiscriminately.  About a year and a half ago, I got to thinking about how the word “hate” is overused and abused.  I then made a conscious decision to not use the word if I could help it.  Instead, I learned to say “I really dislike” or “I really don’t like”.  I’d even say “I strongly dislike”.

I cannot tell you what a difference it has made in my every day life and in my outlook.  I am less stressed; slower to anger; and overall happier.  Such a small, small change!  I’m glad I’ve stopped using the word gratuitously.  There are times when it is appropriate but it is such a misused word that I think it’s worth considering our use of it.  I think I have only used the word “hate” once in 2014 and it was in a blog comment where I wrote “I hate cancer.”  Totally true, and totally appropriate.

Anyway, rethinking my usage of the word has really made a difference in my life.  It has created a sense of peace and satisfaction.  I invite each of you reading this to try making the change and see how it effects you and your life.

One small change can do so much!

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A Thanksgiving Change

Thanksgiving in 1992 was a turning point for my family.

On the fifteenth, just eleven days before Thanksgiving, my husband of many years walked out the door saying he needed time and space to himself so he could figure out if he still wanted to be married to me. For Thanksgiving, we still weren’t sure what was going on, or at least the three kids and I weren’t sure. I had not told my family that he had left. I learned before I even married that I should keep any problems with my husband from my family or they would be very harsh on him. So I didn’t tell them. His family didn’t know either. I felt it was his place to tell them and he didn’t want to tell them. That left the kids and I with nothing to do for Thanksgiving. I wanted it to be a special day for the kids and I was still very much numb. So I did the only thing I could think of. I took the kids to Disneyland.

I reserved the Disneyland Hotel for Thanksgiving night and the kids and I drove to Anaheim late Thanksgiving morning. We checked into the hotel then went to the theme park. We had not gotten to make our reservations for Thanksgiving dinner in one of the restaurants and they were full so we decided on a Thanksgiving buffet with the Disney characters visiting the tables. No reservation required for that but because we were hotel guests, we got to cut ahead of the line when we got there. So we stayed in the theme park for a while and when it was time for dinner, we headed for the buffet outside the park, next to the hotel.

The kids loved it. They got to pick what they wanted from the buffet and leave the rest behind. The wait staff was incredibly friendly. We were alone but we weren’t. There were lots of people around and everyone one was in a great mood. Strangers helped me get the kids’ plates filled and carried back to our table. Then during dinner the characters came around to the tables. My eight year old was crazy about Tigger and was delighted when he came to our table and my two year old was all over Minnie Mouse! My son was eleven then and he was the best helper I could ever wish for. He helped with his sisters and he helped get me through the day. He could intuit Mom’s sadness as well as my need to make things as special for them as possible.

After dinner it was a walk around the grounds and then back to the rides in the theme park. We watched the last parade of the evening then headed for the hotel. The kids watched Disney movies for free on the hotel TV and later on we ordered a late night room service snack. The kids thought it was very special to order hot chocolate and cookies from room service.

The three kids had a blast and I got the satisfaction of knowing that at least on that day, my kids were happy. That year, the first one the three kids and I spent alone together, I was most thankful for being able to keep my kids from the harsh realities that were about to hit our family.

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Election Day Thoughts

I’m not excited about much in this election.  I don’t feel we had any real choices past the primaries.

However, watching the long lines and the excitement of so many millions of Americans on this day and over the past months, I can’t help but hope that they will be victorious.  Why?  Because we need vast numbers of Americans to feel invested in this country.  I think that is one of the major problems right now.  People have felt for so long that they have not had a voice in what happens in this country and it has shown in the way our country has strayed.  I think that if more people, millions more, feel that their voice counts when they go to the polls, that determination to improve this country will really change.  The determination and will of so many will manifest in real change; real progress.

I do remember feeling about a candidate the way that so many people feel about Obama.  It was a long time ago.  I do remember crying and jumping up and down with my kids when Bill Clinton won the first time around and again the second time.  I remember my kids getting caught up in my own enthusiasm. That was the last time “my side” won.  That’s been far too long.

I do get it.  It’s difficult for me to get behind this candidate.  My candidate got left behind and that’s when I lost all interest in this election.  But I do get it.  I do hope that Obama wins, not because I back him but because I think that Americans, young and old, rich and poor, black and white, male and female, gay and straight, all of us, need to have this psychological boost.

I fear what will happen if he doesn’t win.

I think we all should.

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