Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for the ‘life’ Category

Sometimes it seems like I do nothing but then other times it seems as if I have no time for anything. I can’t pinpoint anything specific I have done in the past month but I sure haven’t had time for blogging.

What have I been doing? Being a grandmom is what has taken most of the time and energy, I think. I have also been to a number of doctor appointments for follow ups, mostly. The being a grandmom is important and I don’t make apologies for that. And the medical appointments are also important, even the follow ups.

The boys haven’t moved yet. The big move is this weekend. Their school just started yesterday and today (Anderson started third grade yesterday and Spencer started kindergarten today). That’s two weeks later than scheduled because the teachers were on strike. Those two weeks were spent waiting for a daily update about whether school would be canceled the following day or not and also trying to get in as much park time as possible while the weather was good and there was no school. Interestingly enough, the weather changed yesterday, just as school began. Today it is in the upper 50’s and raining. I guess, as much as I would like it not to, autumn approaches rapidly!

Today is the anniversary of the terrorist attacks involving the World Trade Center and the Pentagon and that empty field in Pennsylvania. That’s what everyone is talking about today. It’s a sad time for a number of reasons. First, the obvious, the deaths and destruction of so many lives, of the “innocence” of so many of us who had not experienced terrorism so close to home, and, to a certain degree to the fiber of our country. While it brought about a certain sense of national unity, it was short-lived. I see the months after the attacks as the turning point when it became okay to question, persecute, and discriminate against so many people because of the shade of flesh they have or because of the language that speak or the religion they believe in. First it was all against anyone from the terrorists’ countries then it spread so that now it is against anyone that doesn’t share the same skin tone, language, nationality, or religion. That is the downfall we see happening today.

I don’t usually get political. Today I am thinking a lot about this and it is spilling out. Maybe I am just writing down my thoughts to process them and examine them and adjust them if necessary. We have to think about all of these things so we can each decide what, if anything, we will try to do about it. Will we change it, even on a small scale? Will we let it continue? Will be stand silent as it happens? Will we speak up.

Well, this isn’t going any place so I think I’ll stop and I will post it, if for no other reason than to have a record that I actually did something for the ten minutes that it took me to write this.

Until I am in a different frame of mind, hopefully not too long from now, ciao!

Advertisements

Read Full Post »

I Created A Monster!

Sharing this ten year old post today, World Photography Day.

Wasted Days And Wasted Nights

I created a monster and I didn’t even mean to.

When I was younger, much younger, I loved to take pictures.I had several of those 60’s and 70’s instant cameras and took tons of film with them.When I graduated from college, my mom gave me an SLR camera.I loved taking photos with it but I didn’t know much about photography.I never took a class.I never read a book on photography.I just enjoyed it.As I started a family, I got newer cameras but I always came back to my SLR.However, my husband thought that I didn’t need all those cameras so when I got a fancy schmancy Olympus automatic camera, he gave my SLR to his brother who was also into photography.I always wanted to get another one.However, I knew I didn’t have the time to invest in photography as a hobby so I waited.I encouraged my kids to try photography.They…

View original post 270 more words

Read Full Post »

I’m seeing a lot of back to school pictures on Facebook today. Too soon. I remember, when my kids were growing up, being sad when they were getting ready to go back. I really enjoyed having them home all day. It was fun and gave us a chance to explore and do things we couldn’t do during the school year. Staying up late. Drive in movies that didn’t start until 9 pm. Road trips. I loved having them home all day long.

And I’m sad too because the time for my daughter and the kids to move is getting close. I’m not sure how I’ll handle it, at least at the beginning. It’s the end of one phase, and although that means it is the beginning of another one, I’m still sad.

Read Full Post »

Just when I thought things were turning around for me, health wise, they seem to have taken a side road. I might still be okay with things but I did take a detour.

Those of you that follow me on Facebook probably know that last week I ended up in the Emergency Room due to chest pain, numbness on my left side, and a rapid heart beat. After examining me, they admitted me for more tests. I spent two days there. At first they thought it was a stroke but tests showed it was not. Then they focused on my heart. We know I did not have a heart attack but we don’t know what caused the symptoms. The next step would be an angiogram  but because that is more invasive, they are holding off on that until we figure out if my symptoms will go away, stay the same, or get worse.

For now, I feel better and I am optimistic that things will improve. I am baffled by the symptoms. The rapid heart beat seems to come and go. The chest pains have stopped and the numbness is almost completely gone. They prescribed a medication to help my heart manage stress and some nitroglycerin pills. The thought is that if I get chest pain and the nitro helps it, it is most likely angina and they can treat that. If the nitro doesn’t help, then I have to get to the hospital as soon as possible and we’ll go from there.

It’s scary. I won’t deny that. I am trying to focus on the fact that I am feeling better and I am hoping that the symptoms won’t recur and trying to get back to the place I was when I wrote the previous post here about the little forward steps I was taking with my medical condition. Crossing my fingers. Saying some prayers. Shaking my head and wondering what else will go wrong!

Read Full Post »

Every journey begins with one step. Big steps; little steps; they’re all steps. They all count.

I didn’t write about the bit of positive news that show the first steps in a long journey to finally recover from the storm of health setbacks. At my last appointment with the endocrinologist three weeks ago, I got a glimmer of hope. As you may remember, the insulin I have been taking was causing me to gain ten to twelve pounds per month. I pleaded with the doctors to put me on different medicines. My primary care physician seemed to think I was eating too much. I wasn’t. I’m not. I had been advised by the dietitian to have three to four servings of carbs (one serving is fifteen grams) per meal at minimum. I have only been having one such serving per meal. There was still no change in the weight gain. I even told the doctor which medicine had worked previously and what I wanted her to try. No luck. Finally I got her to go through with a referral to the endocrinologist last January. That doctor listened to me and thought I was right about the medication I wanted to try.

After three months, instead of gaining ten to twelve pounds each month, I had only gained three and a half. Yay! Still a weight gain but so much less. And the biggest news at that check up was that my HA1C, which is a test that shows how high blood sugar has been in the previous three months went from 8.2 to 5.5. That is in the non-diabetic range! So that’s much better.

And the kicker is that because I’m doing so much better, the doctor has reduced the amount of insulin I am taking by half. That means that I should be losing more weight soon. I’m still only having very few carbs and under one thousand calories per day. When I went to the orthopedic doctor eleven days after the endocrinologist appointment, I had lost four pounds! Yay!

Although these are very little steps, I’m pretty sure they are leading me toward a good outcome. It is the encouragement I needed. I am hoping that I will lose enough pounds to make getting around less difficult so I can start getting back to the things I like to do, like taking the kids for hikes or even for a short walk up and down the block.

So let’s hear it for little steps!

Read Full Post »

I’m in this Facebook group for Lularoe clothes. It’s a huge group and it’s fun. They have over nine thousand members and they run a lot of giveaways and fun participation stuff. There’s probably about five hundred of us that participate regularly.

Today, they asked a question about shyness. Are you shy? I had to think about it for a moment. I guess that I am initially shy but if I see that I have a role or a job, then I am not shy; I get in gear and come out of my shell.

It reminded me of some of the PTA dinners that I had to MC. I ended up doing it several times because the ones that were supposed to do it were too shy so I was asked to do it. It ended up being fun. Stressful but fun. They were award dinners that we put on each year to celebrate the volunteers that committed to and delivered fantastic service. I knew it was important to make the evening memorable. I had been the recipient of one or the other of the awards a couple of times and I wanted to make the evening special for the volunteers. So I went into action. First, I ordered one drink, usually my favorite, a Margarita. I walked up to the microphone and showed a bit of shyness and said I had to take a drink of my Margarita to give me courage so I took a sip of it at the microphone and went on. The evening was broken up into a number of speakers and presenters and I would come up after/before each one. I made it a point to come to the microphone with my Margarita and I made a show of taking another drink from my glass. Then the next time I would come up and say something about this is “three Margaritas so excuse what comes out of my mouth” or something like that. Each time I went up I would add to the number of Margaritas and I would carry my glass. It was funny and people laughed and marveled at how well I was handling all of the drinks. I think I made it up to about seven Margaritas before the last time up at the microphone when I appeared with a cup of coffee.

The joke was on the audience because while I definitely got courage from my “Margaritas,” I was actually not having any booze. I was always very careful not to drink in public, especially if I was going to be at the microphone. I had actually talked to the bar and wait staff ahead of time and arranged to have them bring me only virgin Margaritas, even if someone ordered one to send to me.

That was how I got over my shyness. Give me a microphone and a job to do and there is no shyness. Otherwise, you have to pull me out of my seat and drag the words out of my mouth. I’m THAT shy!

Okay, now to go find a Margarita!

Read Full Post »

I think of that conversation often then over the past week, it seems to have come up several times. I suppose I should write about it and maybe that will release it.

I was talking to a new-ish friend the other day (on Facebook Messenger). We were kind of filling in our pasts as new friends do, catching up on things in our background. She asked me why I never remarried after my divorce. Why did I end up all alone at the age of 62?

Good question. The answer? I guess it was a choice. A choice that I didn’t realize I was making until it was too late. At the time of my divorce, I had three children, ages eleven, eight, and two. We didn’t live near relatives. I had a lot of friends but they were all married with their own family obligations so I had to rely on myself to take care of the every day needs of my children, as well as their long term needs.

And I couldn’t help but remember a conversation I had overheard years before. It was a conversation between my mother-in-law and my husband. We were visiting the in-laws and my mother-in-law asked my husband how his sister was doing. Was there anything new with her? We lived near his sister, about a four hour drive from my in-laws so we were often the go-between because we visited with them more often than she did. He told her that there wasn’t anything new with her. She was still working on her degree and taking care of her little girl. Then she asked about any new men. Was she dating anyone serious? They both went on talking about the “alphabet soup” that she dated. Apparently, in their eyes, she seemed to date a different person every few weeks, never staying with any one man for long. They kept referring to her dates as the alphabet soup and joking about the men. It was obvious to me that, in their eyes, it was a negative thing. They seemed to think that she was concentrating more on her dating than on her daughter.

I thought about it and it made a lasting impression on me. I’ve always been one to worry about what others say. I know that’s not important. I’ve learned it now but in those days, it was important. So when I divorced, I was determined to put my children and their needs ahead of any needs I might have. So I didn’t date. I kept busy with my children and when they were with their father on Wednesday nights and alternate weekends, I visited with friends from my kids’ elementary school. There was a group of us that were all divorced and we would get together at the home of one friend who was married. We would eat and drink and talk and her husband taught us to play poker one night. On weekends I just stayed at home, sleeping in and watching movies I couldn’t watch when the kids were home. Years later, I had a friend from college that would come over on Wednesday nights and I would cook dinner for him and we would talk and listen to music. He would stay the night and leave early the next morning so he could make it to work on time. Once in awhile, I would have alumni functions on weekends so I would attend those and sometimes cook for those. I got a reputation for being a good cook so I was the one that did all the cooking for our functions. I would always go alone and come home alone. I didn’t want anyone to say that I was dating an alphabet soup or that I was ignoring my children’s needs. They were my top priority. Anything I needed or wanted, came last.

And, if I am being honest about it, I was protecting myself from hurt. I had been severely broken, and profoundly hurt when my husband went straight from my house to his secretary’s. Yeah. I thought he was better than the stereotype but I was wrong. So I protected myself by not ever letting myself get involved with anyone. For a long time his leaving us made me question my judgement. How could I have been so wrong about him? And more importantly, how could I trust myself to be a good judge of anyone else?

And here I am. Twenty-six years later. Alone. No pets. No one here but me. Few friends and most of those are “virtual friends.”  No alphabet soup for me.

Some conversations stay with us for a long, long time.

 

 

 

 

Read Full Post »

Older Posts »