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11.8 cm

That’s about four inches and it’s the size of the tumor that yesterday’s CT scan found growing outside of my gall bladder. From what the doctor says, the CT scan shows that it is “acting like it is cancerous.” The next step is a needle biopsy which should happen within the week and the gastroenterologist has already put in a referral to the oncologist. Approval for oncologist consult should take a couple of weeks, at least.

I’m sort of in shock. The doctor says it will have to come out, whatever it is, because it is protruding into the colon. So best case scenario is that it only has to be removed. But it is very likely that there will be a need for “follow up treatment.”

I managed to hold it together enough to call my three kids and tell them, and then my mother. I learned that hearing bad news is bad but having to relay the bad news to someone you love is far worse. So I guess we all have some more waiting to do. I wish the wait to be as short as possible.

I want to digest this news so that I can let my mind think about other things. Right now it’s kind of tough to think of anything. I’m sort of numb.

With luck, I can distract myself in a day or two so I can write and post here. I have a lot of ideas for posts.

Anyone interested?

My thoughts on a page.

Have you ever wished you had said something to someone but missed your opportunity? Have you been hurt or wronged and told no one? Perhaps you owe someone a thank you but never got the chance to tell them? Maybe you have a secret you never shared but would like to let it out?

A few years ago I ran a series of posts called‘A series of Letter’s In it I shared letters sent to me from readers. Some of those werephoto credit: donovanbeeson via photopin cc letters of love from parents to children, or partners, but many were anonymous. They were letters saying things they’d never said but wished they had, letters sharing heartbreak and pain or untold secrets and they were letters of love, happiness and enduring friendship.

I’ve never forgotten those letters and the stories behind them. Recently I’ve been asked by a couple of bloggers if I am still…

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If we were having coffee, we could actually choose to sit inside or out. The weather isn’t too bad. The sky is a bit gray but it’s not cold. Or wet. We’re currently in the low 60’s and the air out is nice and fresh. So where would you lie to sit?

There hasn’t been much going on here, then again there has. With the better weather, the boys have been wanting to go to the park every day and I am the designated “park taker” so we’ve been visiting two and three parks a day each day this week. We take a picnic lunch or a snack with us and that’s part of the routine. They like eating at the park then playing. I have dusted off and charged my Kindle and have been taking it with me so I can read a little while they play. I read two or three pages then stop to check on the boys. It’s slow going but we’re all happy and I actually got to read a whole book this week and have started a second. I hadn’t done any reading since January so I’m glad to get back to it, even if it is not as much reading as I would like to do.

The news this week was an update on my medical tests.  The good news is that all of the samples came back as benign! Yay! However (yes, there’s a however), the doctor was really puzzled because the growth he observed was very suspicious looking. He asked if I had noticed any pain in the area. I thought it was on the left side and I said no. I have had an awful lot of pain on the right side but not the left. That’s when he said the growth is on the right side, just below my rib cage. That’s exactly where the pain has been. It has been excruciating and has been there for over a year. In the past couple of months though, it has all but disappeared. I only get in a couple of times a week and it isn’t as bad as it has been and only lasts an hour or two. So we are doing a CT scan to see if we can determine what the growth is and what is going on. At least we know it is not malignant. Now I’m waiting for the authorization to go through for the CT scan.

As for getting used to the insulin, it’s coming along. I’ve gotten good at avoiding most of the lows but still have a few which I am getting good at anticipating. I’m not great with food yet. I tend to be eating the same thing over and over because it works. However, I need to find some different things to eat that will still work well with the insulin injections. I’m hopeful that will happen soon.

Not a lot going on here. The book I read this week is excellent. It isn’t one I would normally pick up but it was highly recommended and I got it on sale. I actually had it on my Kindle for over a year before I began to read it. It’s a post-apocalyptic novel, which I don’t normally read. The Girl With All the Gifts by M. R. Carey is excellent. I do recommend it. You might be surprised, even if it isn’t a genre you would normally pick up.

What are you up to? Books? Movies? Please do tell.

#WeekendCoffeeShare is hosted by Emily at Nerd In the Brain. Go on over and take a look at the other coffee share posts!

 

A couple of weekends ago, I was invited to Seattle to my grandson’s first birthday party. I was excited to be able to share the day with them. I invited Anderson, my oldest grandson, to make the trip with me. He loves going places with me (when he was three he went on a road trip with me, all the way from Portland to Riverside, CA., just the two of us).

We left on Friday morning and drove back on Sunday afternoon (it’s about a three hour drive). We weren’t the only overnight guests. My daughter-in-law’s best friend and her two boys (ages 3 and 5 months) were also there. Although Anderson is way older than them, he really enjoyed playing with them. He’s used to playing with younger kids and being gentle with them. When he got bored, he would go downstairs to watch TV on the big TV down there, or play Minecraft. He kept himself entertained. We were all pretty impressed with how well he played with the little kids and how well he behaved.

When we were saying our goodbyes, he said thank you for having him over and that he had a good time. My daughter-in-law told him that he was welcome to go back and visit anytime. He asked when and she said again, “anytime.”  We got in the car and headed for the freeway and not twenty minutes later he says, “Nana, Sarah said I could come back anytime.” I nodded and said that he had been very good and that was why he was welcome to come back anytime. Then he cleared his voice and said, “You know Nana, I was thinking I want to go back. How about tomorrrow?!”

That was my smile. I keep thinking about it. It seems so easy to him to jump in the car and be there three hours later. I’m glad he had a good time and that he was so well behaved and that he is welcome “anytime,” but not tomorrow. I think we’ll wait a bit!

The Weekly Smile is hosted by Trent ant Trent’s World the Blog. Go check it out and do some smiling!

If we were having coffee, you would probably want decaf or tea or something else. Me? I’ll stick with the coffee. I had half a cup today but I know I won’t sleep tonight so I am going to try to enjoy a full cup. It’s late. After ten in the evening. But it is that kind of day.

Most of you have heard about the stabbing of three men who stood up to a bigot who was spewing hateful words toward two teen girls who appeared to be Muslim. Two were killed; the third survived but has critical injuries. It came as a shock to all of us here in Portland. Yes, we’ve seen an upsurge in hate crimes in the last eight or so months, but this one hit so close to home and involved people who stood up for what is right in trying to defend the two young girls.

I took the kids to the park this afternoon then I went to the grocery store. Everything out here seemed so quiet, so somber. There was no traffic on a holiday weekend. The grocery store was almost empty. My boys and I were the only ones at the park on a beautiful summery day. There is quiet all around. People at the grocery store were talking about it but in hushed tones. I live near one of the men that was killed. Maybe that’s why this area was so quiet. It has been a tough week. On Tuesday afternoon a flagger at a road construction site in town was hit and killed by a drunk driver. He lived in the community. The community is still in shock over that then this. So senseless. So wrong.

So I can’t sleep. I’m thinking about it all. I can’t help it.

I don’t know if we’ll ever get back to “normal” or if we are so scarred by all of the hate and violence that we won’t ever be normal again. It makes me scared for my grandchildren. What will their world look like? Will they ever know peace, charity, love, and cooperation? It’s something to think about. It’s enough to make US do something. Anything; just don’t ignore it.

Anyway, I’ll try to come up with something more optimistic soon. Maybe a smile. I sure need one.

Weekend Coffee Share is hosted by Emily at Nerd In the Brain. Go on over and take a look at the other coffee shares.

The Wait

This is the worst part. 

I had a colonoscopy on Tuesday. It was easy breezy. Fell asleep before the procedure began and woke up in recovery. Then  the doctor came in with pictures and news that he had removed polyps and tissue from  a lesion which was too big to remove during that procedure. Everything had been sent to the lab for biopsy. 

So now I wait. I try not to think about it and for sure I’m not  looking anything up online. 

I don’t have a good feeling about this but I’m trying not to think about it. Just have to wait until next week. 

In the meantime, if you’re a praying person, I would appreciate any positive mojo you can send my way. 

Another Birthday

I just got back from Seattle. I went up for my grandson’s first birthday. They had a little birthday party for him that was just right for a one year old: just after naps and in time for lunch, 6 guests and their parents, small cup cakes, just a few decorations and a lot of fun! The theme was dragons to go with the book Dragons Love Tacos by Adam Robin. The food? Why a taco  bar, of course! It was a lot of fun and everyone had come and gone within an hour and a half! 

I took Anderson with me. He’s the oldest grandson, and although he’s seven,  he plays well with the little ones. He had fun and I got lots of compliments on his behavior and helpfulness (even though there was an episode of too much toilet paper in the bowl at one point). 

If was a wonderful, if quick, trip. What not and pride  to see my own son being a wonderful parent! 

Now of for a rest. The drive is under four hours but that’s long for my back!