Changes

I’m not the confrontational type. I’m not the loud type. I’m not the “in your face” type.

But there are changes going on inside of me; inside of my mind. Maybe it’s because I’m getting older and I know time is short. Maybe it’s because I am just fed up with things. Maybe it’s because old feelings and memories that I have suppressed for decades have come tumbling back into my mind. I’m seeing things that I saw before but didn’t face and I’m facing them, at least inside of me. I’m angry at the way things are. The next step? I think I have to start speaking out; start acting. I have to try to help bring about some changes.

What kind of things? Well, I keep seeing, day after day after day, instances where women get blamed for men’s actions and poor decisions. Yesterday, I read about a court case where a Yale student was exonerated of rape charges even after the jury was shown video tape footage of a very drunk girl being dragged to her room, barely conscious. The young woman was asked, in court, by the judge, why she had chosen to wear a close fitting cat costume to the Halloween party where she encountered her assailant. The judge asked her why she hadn’t worn a Cinderella costume or something  “like that.” So the male walks free and the female is left not only with the trauma of waking up after passing out only to find that her clothes are off and the guy is on top of her, but she is also left with the humiliation of having to testify in open court and then called a liar. The jury’s verdict called her a liar. The judge’s questions called her a liar. Yale called her a liar. They failed to stand by a female student in favor of a male student.

Why is it that when a girl gets pregnant she is blamed for it; often she is said to have seduced the guy. Why is it that no one blames the guy? It’s pretty difficult for a girl to force a guy to get her pregnant. Possible but difficult, yet it’s the girl’s fault.

Why is it that when a woman is sexually assaulted, she’s to blame because she wore provocative clothing or smiled at a stranger?

And this one, while unrelated, still gets at the point that women are always blamed. Why is it that when a man cheats on his wife or partner, it’s the woman’s fault? She didn’t pay attention to him. She didn’t dress nice for him. She didn’t wear makeup for him. She didn’t hold his interest. It’s her fault he couldn’t keep his zipper up in the presence of other women.

Yup, time after time, it’s the woman who gets blamed. It’s always our fault.

And this all keeps women down. It keeps us from speaking up and reporting attacks. It keeps us oppressed. In our place.

It won’t end or change significantly in my lifetime but I have daughters and a granddaughter and I pray that they will see this change in their life times. For now, all I can do is express my anger over the way things are and I can support women who have been victimized by the system. I can tell my stories of my experiences; there are more than one. I was blamed. Then I got smart and stopped reporting them because no one would believe me anyway. It’s time to speak up in the hopes that others will benefit.

Changes. Lots of them. The time has come.

Changes.

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Drop Dead Diva

I recently accepted a Comcast offer to try out their “digital starter” package.  With this package I get a lot of channels that I had not seen previously.  I have developed some favorites that will be tough to get rid of when my trial offer is over.  Yup.  I’m hooked.

One of these shows is called Drop Dead Diva and airs on the  Lifetime Channel.  It’s new this season.  In the first episode of the season, Deb is a 24 year old blonde model who is pretty self-centered.  At the beginning of the episode Deb is speeding off some place and talking on her cell phone while driving.  She gets into an accident and is killed.  Don’t worry, it’s a comedy.  When she is at the gates of heaven, the Gate Keeper sits her down and looks at his computer screen to review her life.  He finds that she has not one single good deed on record for her entire 24 years.  The Gate Keeper says he can’t admit her to heaven with such a record.  He’s saying she’ll have to go back down to earth to try to improve her record but Deb is impatient and sticks her hand on the Gate Keeper’s keyboard and pushes a button which immediately sends her back to earth, to the hospital where she died.  There’s just one problem.  There is another woman dying at the hospital.  She’s a lawyer, named Jane, who took a bullet when an angry husband came to shoot his wife’s lover who happens to be Jane’s boss.  So Deb’s soul ends up in the body of the lawyer who comes back to life!

This would be great, normally, but there are a few problems.  First, Jane is not 24.  She’s 32.  And Jane is not blonde.  She’s a brunette.  She’s not shallow.  She’s intelligent and has a brilliant legal mind and a heart capable of compassion.  But what Deb is most shocked with is that Jane is not a tall, slim,  size 2 model, she’s a short, plump size 16.

The episodes since then have been filled with comedy but also with some thought provoking moments when the show explores some of the public’s prejudices toward intelligent and  physically “less than perfect” women.  The cast is filled with characters that challenge our perceptions of various types of people.  And they do this in a fun and humorous way.

The cast includes Brooke Elliott as Jane; Margaret Cho as Teri, Jane’s secretary and assistant; Kate Levering as Kim, a seemingly heartless female attorney who is constantly competing with Jane, although she is slim and attractive; Josh Stamberg as J. Parker, the managing attorney of the firm where Jane works who is also a less than competent attorney.

There are others who round out the cast but this was just supposed to be a quick post to share this new show I discovered and point you in the right direction should you choose to check it out.  It really is quite worthy of the one hour a week (Sunday evening) that it takes up over the air waves.  (I guess maybe their not air waves any more now that we’re digital.  I don’t know.  If you do, let me know.)

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