Posts Tagged ‘waiting’

That’s about four inches and it’s the size of the tumor that yesterday’s CT scan found growing outside of my gall bladder. From what the doctor says, the CT scan shows that it is “acting like it is cancerous.” The next step is a needle biopsy which should happen within the week and the gastroenterologist has already put in a referral to the oncologist. Approval for oncologist consult should take a couple of weeks, at least.

I’m sort of in shock. The doctor says it will have to come out, whatever it is, because it is protruding into the colon. So best case scenario is that it only has to be removed. But it is very likely that there will be a need for “follow up treatment.”

I managed to hold it together enough to call my three kids and tell them, and then my mother. I learned that hearing bad news is bad but having to relay the bad news to someone you love is far worse. So I guess we all have some more waiting to do. I wish the wait to be as short as possible.

I want to digest this news so that I can let my mind think about other things. Right now it’s kind of tough to think of anything. I’m sort of numb.

With luck, I can distract myself in a day or two so I can write and post here. I have a lot of ideas for posts.

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Quiet Day

A quiet day. Rain outside my window. Sitting, waiting to be needed.

Time for me to do what I want to do. Oops, there’s that call. Now I’m needed. My needs will have to wait.

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I’m sitting here listening to the sound of my windchimes singing to me and to the neighborhood on this very, very windy day, and I’m thinking of what I should write for today’s blog post.  Nothing.  Well, I can’t do that so I’ll just fake it.  Here goes:

I’m glad I can hear the sound of the chimes and the leaves.  I’m very deaf.  Last year I got myself a pair of hearing aids.  I didn’t get the fancy ones that cost thousands of dollars but I got some you can get online.  They are amazingly good.  Now I can hear my grandson cry when he wakes and I can hear the windchimes and the leaves outside.  It’s amazing the difference that it makes.  I no longer have to ask people to repeat themselves or ask them to speak louder.  I can just turn the volume up if I need to.  Of course, if I don’t want to hear something, I can turn the volume down or shut them off altogether!  A bonus!

I’m waiting.  The National Weather Service is saying that we are getting “winter precipitation” by daylight tomorrow.  It’s very early for such weather in Oregon but we’ll see.  They have been issuing warnings since the weekend and today’s warning says all of the valley area (Portland) will most likely get freezing rain and those of us east of I-205 will get snow.  That’s a more certain forecast than on previous days when they were saying there was just a possibility but confidence in it was low.  So now I wait.  I’ve gotten groceries so I don’t have to go out and drive in whatever mess we end up with.  I’ve stocked up on batteries and have my flashlights ready.  And blankets.  If we lose power, it will be awfully cold so I’ll need the blankets.  In fact, it has already been quite cold. Last night we dipped to 32 and with the wind chill factored in, we were at 24.  Very cold.

So now I wait.  I’m trying to keep the cell phone charged and the laptop charged and the tablet charged so that if power goes, I will still be able to function, somewhat.

And I wait.

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Two of my favorite Christmases were when I was pregnant.

Early during my first pregnancy, I was told that my baby was due on January 15. However, during my routine visit on December fourth, the doctor told me I was already dilating and he would not be surprised if I was in full labor within 48 hours. I went home and busied myself to get everything ready for an early arrival. This meant not only getting things ready for the baby but also for Christmas when my in-laws were coming to spend the holiday with us because the doctor had said no traveling during the last six weeks. I had to prepare for eight extra people coming for the holiday.

Once everything was ready, we waited. And waited. And waited some more. From about the fifth of December I got daily calls asking if I was in labor yet. When I called my husband at work, his secretary would immediately think I was in labor. She did a great job keeping tabs on him so that if I needed him, she would be able to find him. Those were the days when not many people had mobile phones (they were actually not very portable even for those who had them). My husband didn’t have a pager because he didn’t like the idea of anybody being able to reach him whenever they wanted to so he resisted getting one.

When I went in to the doctor on the 18th, he was amazed that there was still no labor. He said labor was imminent. There was no baby when my in-laws arrived on December 24th. On Christmas day we waited and waited. I was watched by every eye in the house but there were no signs of labor, other than the baby had dropped and I was really tired. My own birthday is on Christmas day so everyone was sure I’d deliver a Christmas baby. I didn’t. Our company came and went and still no baby. Although my son was born 23 days post-mature, on February 7, that Christmas was very magical as we waited for the baby that didn’t want to be born!

The second time around, I was due on December 21st. By December 1st the baby had dropped and we were on baby watch once again. That second time I really didn’t feel the baby would come on Christmas but everyone else did. Again I couldn’t travel so family came to us and again they watched and we waited and no baby appeared but the expectation of the birth was wonderful. Baby number two arrived 20 days post-mature on January 10. By then we knew that my body doesn’t deliver on time. Both times the doctor was sure of the due date (positive blood pregnancy test on day seven of lateness) and ultrasound had confirmed but both times I delivered three weeks late!

Those two years were very special as the joy of a new baby’s imminent arrival kept us focused on the joy of the holiday and the meaning of Christmas.

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