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Posts Tagged ‘honesty’

Honesty Is the Best Policy…

…but it might get you in a pinch!

honest_scrap_award

Anhinga tagged me with the Honest Scrap award for bloggers who have written honsestly on their blogs.  I think that’s most of us but I’ll accept it, however it leaves me in a pinch because I can’t think of a lot of stuff I haven’t been honest about or I have not posted already.  It has taken me days to get around to this and I still don’t know what I am going to write.  I’m just going to start and see where it takes me.

1. Although most people that know me would describe me as being strong, I sometimes feel very vulnerable and fragile.  I feel like the little girl left alone on a playground trying to keep a stiff upper lip so no one will know I am shaking in my boots.

2.  I tend to throw myself into everything I do.  Including relationships.  However, this writer has been hurt so much and so often that it has changed her.  When you give yourself to someone completely and let them into the most private recesses of your soull and your mind, then they turn around and pay you badly, then it changes you.  It makes you, or at least me, reluctant to let anyone in again.  I’ve noticed that I am reluctant to let people in, even just friends.  If I knew them before all of this happened, it’s okay.  But if I didn’t/don’t meet them until afterwards (like in the past 18 years) then I don’t allow myself to let go and dive into the friendship or relationship.  I know this is not good.  I’m just trying to protect my very fragile and fractured soul.

3. One of my biggest faults is my procrastination.  If I don’t do something right away, I end up putting it off and off and off until it’s long past too late.  I know.  Not good.  But that’s me.  I’ll tell you about later.   🙂

4.  Another of my biggest faults is that I am not a self-promoter.  I will promote you or you or you but I won’t promote myself.  It’s just not in me.  That’s probably why I won’t be published before I die.  Yeah, I’ve had some stuff published in literary magazines but not anything with a wide audience.

5.  I have a cat that I got a year ago.  At least that’s when she became mine.  She has been in the family for over seven years but she was my daughter’s first then my son’s.  Now she is here to keep me company because I live alone.  Molly is about 10 to 12 years old.  She’s fragile too and that’s why I can’t let myself get too close to her.  This has been a real probllem lately.   I keep thinking I’m going to wake up and find her dead one day and I don’t want to let myself love her becaue it will hurt too much when she’s dead.  Pretty sad, huh?

6.  I love watching soap operas.  I’ve watched All My Children off and on since the very first day it aired in 1970.  I also watch One Life To Live and General Hospital.  I know.  I know.  But I enjoy them so I don’t care what anyone says.

7.  I honestly don’t believe I will live any longer than age 60.  I’m almost 54.  Doesn’t leave a lot of time, does it?

8.  I’ve worn contacts for over 35 years.  First I wore hard ones then soft ones since around 1980.   One problem is that I still can’t put them in or take them out right away.  I leave them in until they fall out…months and months and months.  Two days ago I ended up taking one out because it hurt and I knew my eye needed a rest.  Now I can’t get the new one in.  I’ve tried for two days.  So I am operating with one contact and an old pair of prescription glasses.  Good for up close reading (but not tiny stuff on this netbook…I just can’t see what I am typing!) but I can’t drive or walk around outside.  Not good.  I have a lot to do before my trip next week and I don’t have groceries so I am surviving on ramen because that’s all there is in the pantry!  I can’t see what I have typed so if there are a ton of typos here, that’s why.

8.  I can’t relax if I am up about the house and not dressed.  I’m not like other people that can run around  all day in their pjs.  If I am up, I must get dressed right away or I just cannot relax.  I just know that if I don’t get dressed, someone will knock at the door and I won’t be able to answer the door.  Same thing at night time.  I can’t get into my pjs until I am ready to turn out the light!

9.  I miss teaching.  I miss it more than I can say.   It’s not just the kids.  I even miss teaching adults!  I used to do adult ESL (English as a Second Language) and I miss that.  I used to lead staff developments for teachers and I miss that too, although teachers are one of the worst groups you can even lead in anything!

10.  I am soooo relieved to be on number 10 because I can’t think of much more.   Okay,  last one.  I am sooo looking forward to my trip next week!  I don’t think I have looked forward to anything as much as I am looking forward to Australia, at least not in a long, long time.

Okay.  I haven’t kept up with who has been tagged for this and who hasn’t and as I said above,  I think most of my readers are pretty honest.  So instead of tagging anyone, I would like to invite all of you to participate in this exercise, with an emphasis on Beverly at Whisper and David at Quotidian  Vicissitudes and Shawn at Brain Clutter.  Write 10 honest things about yourselves.  Please post a link here.

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Grandma’s Sandals

[Note: My grandmother is 97. Yesterday I got word that she has very little time left. Funeral arrangements have been made. I am flying out to Texas later today. This is a story I wrote about the times my grandma used to visit us when I was a little girls. It is part of a collection of short stories. I am posting it here to share a little of my grandma with you. I hope you enjoy it.]

Every year, in the summertime, my grandmother comes to visit us all the way from Texas, where she lives.My grandfather drives her to the bus station in Texas and three days later, we go to the bus station here, to wait for her and to bring her home with us.She stays for two or three weeks and then she is gone again, til the next summer. (more…)

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