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Posts Tagged ‘cancer sucks’

Not good news.
Apparently, gall bladder cancer is inoperable. I don’t yet have a diagnosis but the assumed (by the doctors) diagnosis is gall bladder cancer. I’m having surgery on Friday. They will biopsy the colon, gall bladder, liver, any anything else they can. The hope now is that they find that the tumor consists of a different type of cancer, meaning one that originated in the colon or the liver. Those types of cancer they can remove. But gall bladder cancer they cannot. All they can do is administer chemo to prolong life. On Friday they will also be putting in a port for me to receive chemo. The surgeon said that anyway we look at it, my case is not going to be an easy one. He says I am in for a “tough ride.”

So I guess I now will ask you all to pray that what they find will be a treatable cancer, a liver cancer or a colon cancer, and not the gall bladder cancer they are sure they are going to find. I want more than 4 to 5 months. I’m not done living yet. I’m not done. This is really tough.

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If we were having coffee, I would try to be chipper but I would have to cut it short as I’m not in the best spirits these days.

As many of you know, doctors found a large tumor in my gall bladder seven weeks ago. Upon further examination, they’ve seen that a portion of the tumor is also in my liver and there is a good chance that it is in my colon, as well. I have had test after test and they keep coming back benign but what they see on the CT scan says it’s malignant. I didn’t understand what they meant by “what they see and how it is acting” until I read the latest CT scan report in MyChart. What they are going by is how it is effecting the tissue around it and by “gas bubbles” and other stuff I don’t really understand yet. I kind of lost it when I read that and the word “metastasized.”

I see the surgeon Monday afternoon and I am pretty sure they have my full file now, including the reports from my surgery two years ago in which they found a borderline malignancy in an ovarian cyst which was removed. I think, and I hope, that tomorrow we will have a much better picture of what is going on and a treatment plan. I’m very nervous and very anxious. I am often near tears these days but I’m one of those people that doesn’t let herself cry so it’s all inside.

Today I will spend the rest of the day with Anderson and Spencer and Maya and we’ll probably go for some ice cream because it’s National Ice Cream Day here in the U.S. and lots of places are giving out free ice cream cones! The weather is nice enough for ice cream. I haven’t taken them to the park since before the fourth of July and I usually take them every day. So maybe a park trip is in the works, too.

I’ve been spending a lot of time reading. I can’t concentrate to write or watch TV so I read. I am trying to read all of the Gabriel Allon series by Daniel Silva. ┬áThere are currently seventeen titles and I’ve read six. I had some in my Kindle library and I’ve recently discovered how to borrow digital books from the library so now I’m in business! If you’re looking for a great spy thriller, this might be the series for you.

In any case, I have been horrible about keeping up with everyone’s blogs. I read a lot of them but I read on my phone and I have fat fingers so it’s difficult to comment. I end up liking a lot of posts. I will try to be better about it; maybe I’ll start carrying my tablet with me which will work if there is Wi-Fi at the doctor’s office and other buildings.

In the meantime, if you are so inclined, I am needing a lot of virtual hugs and positive thoughts/energy these days. Please send them my way.

#WeekendCoffeeShare is hosted by Diana at Part Time Monster. Go check it out and you’ll find a lot more shares. Maybe you will want to write one.

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That’s about four inches and it’s the size of the tumor that yesterday’s CT scan found growing outside of my gall bladder. From what the doctor says, the CT scan shows that it is “acting like it is cancerous.” The next step is a needle biopsy which should happen within the week and the gastroenterologist has already put in a referral to the oncologist. Approval for oncologist consult should take a couple of weeks, at least.

I’m sort of in shock. The doctor says it will have to come out, whatever it is, because it is protruding into the colon. So best case scenario is that it only has to be removed. But it is very likely that there will be a need for “follow up treatment.”

I managed to hold it together enough to call my three kids and tell them, and then my mother. I learned that hearing bad news is bad but having to relay the bad news to someone you love is far worse. So I guess we all have some more waiting to do. I wish the wait to be as short as possible.

I want to digest this news so that I can let my mind think about other things. Right now it’s kind of tough to think of anything. I’m sort of numb.

With luck, I can distract myself in a day or two so I can write and post here. I have a lot of ideas for posts.

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