Posts Tagged ‘battered women’

The other day I told you about Gloria (not her real name). Today I was going to write something entirely different but last night something happened that brings me to an update. A hopeful one.

Last night Sam hit her again. He had been drinking since the night before and all day yesterday. He blew up and started throwing things at her and yelling at her. He beat her with a shoe because he was “not going to lay a finger on her.” She took the boys into the bedroom and locked the door. He broke the door down. Apparently, the boys were screaming at him to stop and were very upset. The police were called and he was arrested but because he didn’t hit her with his fists, the arrest was for a misdemeanor harassment charge. He was to be booked and released as soon as he was sober. She called me and I spent the night with them in case he came back that during the night.

Today she is bruised and sore all over her back with shoe marks all over. The boys are still talking about it, even the three year old. She says she won’t allow him back in again. The kids were there and upset. The first thing one of the boys said to me last night was “Daddy is never coming back home again. He hurt Mommy and I was yelling at him ‘Stop! Stop! Stop!’ and I was crying.” We watched a movie and he kept talking about it during the movie, obviously upset about it. So I am hopeful that she won’t let him back home. He’ll be under a “No Contact” order until he goes to Court. He’s actually on probation from the first charge three years ago so we are hoping they will terminate his probation and make him serve the full jail term. That will keep him locked up for a couple of years. Enough time for them to move on. I know it won’t be easy for them but they will be so much better off without him constantly causing fear in her and the boys.

Join me in crossing my fingers and saying a silent prayer that Gloria sticks to it this time. This has to be the last time.

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Survivor or victim?

Words are important.

When a person is abused and victimized, their life is shattered. There are lifelong effects of the abuse. The person can remain a victim in their eyes and in the eyes of others, always feeling “less than” because of the actions of another.


They can survive the abuse. Surviving involves moving past the abuse and living a full life in spite of it. Surviving means being the person you were meant to be before the abuse; in fact, being a better person because of it. Surviving means taking your past and incorporating it into your life to become stronger and, often, to help others get past the victim stage and to the survival stage.

I guess that makes me a survivor. I wasn’t always comfortable with that title but now I am. I’ve picked up the pieces. I’ve learned more about abuse. I am trying to help others become aware of abuse. I’m trying to help others that have been in my position.

It’s a tough thing to write about. You have to experience it to understand but if that means you have to be abused, then I would rather you did not understand because I don’t wish abuse, of any sort, on anyone.

For more posts on abuse, click here.

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There are many questions surrounding abuse. While we are getting good at finding answers, we still don’t have all the answers. Below are a lot of questions and some links to help YOU find some ways to understand and to help. Some of the questions have no links. Why? Because there are few answers and few lights to shed on them. For now, they are “thinking questions.”

Why do people abuse?


Why do abused people stay in those relationships?


compelling reasons women stay




Why do parents put their kids through the horrors of domestic violence?


Why do children keep their abuse a secret?




Why are children abused?



Why do parents abuse their children?


Why do people abuse elders?



Why do abusers pick the most vulnerable people?

What is domestic violence and abuse?


What’s the big deal about verbal abuse? It’s only words.

Click to access What_Is_Emotional_Verbal_Abuse.pdf

What is emotional abuse?


How can you help an abuse woman in an abusive relationship?



How can you help a child in an abusive home?



How can you tell when a child has been abused?




How can you tell when a spouse is covering up their spouses abuse?

How can you tell if an elderly person is being abused?

What can communities do to help those in abuse relationships?

What can communities do to help protect children from abusive adults?

What can we do to help protect children from abusive children?

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Adults are not the only victims of domestic violence. When there are children present to witness, by seeing or hearing the actual violence or its consequences, they suffer too; they too are victims of the abuse.

The effects of this family violence are both short and long term. A child who witnesses one parent battering or verbally abusing the other parent will often feel out of control in their daily lives. They may also display physical symptoms such as bed wetting, headaches, stomach aches, eating disorders, self-mutilation, and even suicidal thoughts. They suffer low self-esteem, the inability to trust anyone, relationship problems, sleep problems, anger and aggression, and they may also become violent themselves. They will almost always suffer from self-blame and survivor’s guilt. There are many other short and long term effects, these are just a few.

Studies estimate that nearly 10 MILLION children witness domestic violence in their homes annually. What happens to these children?

–Boys who witnessed their father’s violence against their mothers are 10 times more likely to become violent against their partners in later life than those boys who didn’t have domestic violence modeled in their home (1993 Family Violence Interventions For the Justice System).

–Daughters of battered women are 15 times more likely to be battered themselves in later years (1990 statistics).

–Witnessing violent behavior between their parents is the highest risk factor for passing on violent behavior from one generation to the next.

Clearly, domestic violence in the home claims many victims, not just the two adults involved, the Abuser and the Abused. Children’s lives are forever scarred when they are witnesses to domestic violence. They become the abused and the abusers in later life. Then they pass it on to their own children. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

My 2016 A to Z Challenge Posts:



Child Abuse


Elder Abuse


Abused and Battered Women Statistics

Violence In the Family

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