Some questions for you. And I really want to hear your opinion. It has been bothering me a lot and I know I can’t let it go until I write it out. This is the first part. The questions. Then in a couple of days I will write out the situation and see what you think. So for now, what do you think about these questions?
1. How long is your teacher your teacher and your student your student? Is there a time period when the Teacher/Student relationship ends? How do you know that or is there a set time in your book?
2. Is it ever okay for a former teacher of a student to have a romantic relationship with the former student?
3. If you were the parent of someone dating their former teacher, granted they are just a bit over eighteen, how would you feel?
4. Now add to all of this that the teacher is still a teacher but not of that student.
5. And the kicker: The teacher is married and has very young children.
So tell me. What do you think? Please, l really want to know. It is really bothering me and I need to make some sort of peace with this situation.
Sound off!
Wasted Days And Wasted Nights 
Married with children pretty much puts the teacher off limits to me, unless they are divorced and have been for a while. But going back to the top of your list of questions, I think once the student has graduated, it is no longer a student-teacher relationship in a formal sense. It’s funny you ask this now. My husband’s former graduate student is coming for a visit this week. For years after he graduated, he continued to address my husband in a formal manner (“Dr. S”). We had to practically beat him over the head to get him to call M by his first name. lol! I think, and could be wrong, that during those years, this student truly was still a student in that he was still getting guidance from M. Now, though, he’s “all grown up” so to speak, a teacher and scientist in his own right, and they are colleagues now rather than student-teacher so he’s more comfortable addressing M by his first name.
Question #2: Hard to say. I’ve seen it happen and sometimes it’s been a good thing, but sometimes it’s been a disaster in the long run. Depends on the teacher. There are some teachers who continually pursue the younger relationship, and they are just not good people when it comes to relationships (which is why they end up married and divorced multiple times).
#3 I’d talk with my child, who I hopefully have a close relationship with, and find out what’s going on. I’d try really hard to reserve judgment and make sure I’m available to them whether things go wrong or go right. Like it or not, they have the right to make their own mistakes in life.
#4 I’m not sure that matters, as long as the teacher isn’t currently their teacher.
I’m one of those “love is love is love” people, and sometimes love happens between people who are thrown together. That said, I have known the predatory type of teacher who is in it for reasons other than love. Thankfully, most of the teachers I’ve known are NOT like that.
LikeLiked by 2 people
It has been 39 years since I graduated from high school and I am still in touch with several of my teachers and my counselor. I still cannot call them by their first name. I still call them Mr. or Mrs. I have tried but I still cannot do it. And they are still my go to people when I am needing to be heard and needing to be encouraged or supported.
LikeLike
In my opinion, it’s almost never okay for a teacher and a student to date, unless they were both legal adults when they met, such as a young faculty adjunct and a college student. Even then, however, the problem is one of an imbalance of authority/power. It’s the same reason people should never date their therapist, or their doctor, or their lawyer. And that is the reason why many professions have legal, ethical restrictions on personal relationships with people who are subject to their authority or power. Even when it’s two adults, the teacher is in a power position. Even when it’s two adults, those two people should be very cautious about what’s really driving their perceived attraction.
LikeLiked by 2 people
I think I understand what you’re asking. For me, the teacher may always stay a teacher… but I have become friends with some of my teachers in the past, and we reached some sort of equality, as the friendship grew. For me, married women are off limits, but I’m not unaware of the general attitude towards ethics in the open community. And so, I have adopted the attitude of live and let live, even when the people around me choose to live in a way I wouldn’t want to live. I don’t want things I find repulsive thrown in my face, but what people do behind closed doors is their business. If people think that it’s fine to sell condoms in the school’s restrooms, and feel that homosexuals should proudly demonstrate, and that trans-sexuals should go to the toilet of their choice, I can’t see how they could possibly protest true love between a teacher and a student after the student has left the class. It’s not something I would want for my own children (or grandchildren), but it seems to fit in with the spirit of our time.
LikeLike