That’s where it came from.
I was in bed a little while ago. The grandkids are spending the night and the two boys always want to sleep in my bed and I have to be in the bed with them or they get upset. So I am in the bed not sleeping. I’m in pain but I can’t take the pain pills because they make me zonk out and I can’t do that with the kids here. The little one is not quite nine months old and might wake up because she’s in a strange bed although she normally sleeps through the night. The four year old wakes up and wants to go outside. He actually gets the step ladder and unlocks the chain and goes outside. Even if it’s dark and rainy. And I don’t hear him even when I am not on pain pills so I’m sure I would not hear him on pain pills. So no pain pills. And I have to sleep on my right side to avoid some of the pain but I can’t because of the position of the boys.
So I am in bed, awake. And that’s when it happened.
A memory. It was 1990. An almost forgotten memory and one that I have surely put out of my head for self preservation. But it came back. And it made me cry. I had to get up and leave the room because I was afraid the boys would wake up with my crying. It all came back. I was on the freeway, the 101 southbound, in my car with the kids who were 10, 7, and 2. My kids. My husband had left home six weeks prior to that day because he needed a break and wasn’t sure he wanted to be married anymore. I had gone up north to see my sister and so that the kids could visit with their cousins and so that we wouldn’t be home alone thinking and missing him. We were on our way home. Then a car was passing us and out of the corner of my eye I realized it looked like his car. Then I looked and realized it was. He was driving it but he wasn’t alone. And I didn’t know who the woman with him was. When he saw that it was me and that I had seen him, he floored the gas pedal.
That’s how I found out that my “soul mate” was cheating on me.
And that’s what came flooding back a little while ago. And now for sure I won’t sleep. It will be a long night.
Wasted Days And Wasted Nights 
That’s a very painful memory, Corina. With such memories, we go back and revisit them from time to time till finally we’re able to deal with them… I suppose there are some we can never deal with. But even so, we keep trying.
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Thank you, Shimon. It’s one of those memories that hits and we feel the same feelings that we originally felt. To top it off, yesterday was also the anniversary of my brother’s suicide so that came flooding back, too. Not a good day but today will be better.
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A memory like that may lie dormant but is always there, so sorry it returned in your consciousness and you remembered once again ❤
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Yes, that’s one of the ones that I try to put out of my head and I’m mostly successful these days. Once in awhile, I can’t get rid of it. It wasn’t a great day but I think part of it is that I might be coming down with something. My blood sugar has been sky high for a couple of days and I’ve been very good about my insulin and what I am eating. And I just feel yucky so I think there’s something brewing. Thanks for stopping by!
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😦
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What a painful memory. Hugs to you.
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Thank you.
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Memories like these are wounds that refuse to heal. I have personally found that expressing myself, either by talking about it with someone, or even better, writing it down, helps. There are times when I break down while writing, but I invariably feel better after that. I hope writing this has had a cathartic effect on you. Much love to you.
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Thank you for stopping by. It does help to write it out. However, sometimes nothing helps, you just have to ride it out.
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So sad for you
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