While reading Comparative Geeks post on Saturday, in which he spoke about traffic and other drivers as “the enemy”, I was reminded of when I lived in Los Angeles and was faced with long, stressful traffic situations almost every time I left the house. I learned to travel on surface streets so I would not have to get on the freeways. Even up here in Oregon, where I now live, I avoid traffic at all costs. I don’t go into town (I’m about 20 minutes from Portland proper) during peak hours. In fact, I rarely go into downtown Portland. I don’t even know where City Hall is or Pioneer Square. I see these places on TV all the time but I couldn’t tell you where they’re at.
It also reminded me of something I was told long ago that has left its mark on me. In fact, I can’t remember the man’s name. He was my ex-husband’s uncle by marriage. I think it was a sort of “half uncle by marriage” as the wife was the “half aunt”. Okay, if you’re still with me, that’s good. I only met them maybe three times. They came to see the baby when my son was born. That was the first time (in 1982). Then we saw them again at my father-in-law’s funeral. They were staying in the same motel that my kids and I were staying in so we had breakfast with them a couple of times. I didn’t see them after that, even though they lived about 30 minutes away. The husband, I cannot remember his name but I know it was something simple like John or Don or Bob, was an air traffic controller at LAX. He lived in Pacoima, which is only a 28 mile drive, about 35 minutes in the best of traffic conditions. However, during commute times, when he had to go to work, he said it would take him about an hour and 45 minutes to get there, ditto on the way back. I remarked that I wouldn’t want to be him on those lost hours of commute time as it must be very frustrating to be sitting in traffic. He said something that has stuck with me all these years (since 1994). He said it used to bother him and he would arrive at work very keyed up which wasn’t a good way to begin a shift as anything, let alone an air traffic controller at one of the busiest airports in the world. He said that he had made a conscious effort to not let himself get upset or frustrated. He would put on a book on tape (those were cassette days, not CD days) and pretend that he was on his way to the Executioner so each minute of delay was actually something good. With this point of view, he said, he didn’t get frustrated. He actually welcomed the minutes sitting in traffic and got to enjoy a lot of books on his way to and from work!
That has stayed with me all of these years and although I no longer remember his name, I remember his wisdom. Every time I get stuck in traffic, I think of his words and I’m not upset anymore. Let the other drivers weave in and out of traffic. Let the other drivers get frustrated and honk. I just sit and wait and know that I will get there soon enough.
As a kid I used to get upset by traffic, though not terribly so. Not as much any more. Why? You can’t do anything about it. I occasionally do a drive that has the same backup every day, day after day. I see some people in their cars yelling and shaking their fists and have to wonder about their sanity. This happens EVERY day, why are you upset? It is part of the drive. I don’t have fun with it, like your semi-relative, almost kin folk, but I used to listen to courses on CD on my drive to work.
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Wow that is interesting!
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One day in a deep philosophical mood, I got the impression that the Universe was deliberately trying to slow me down by putting all these obstacles in front of me – ie stupid and inconsiderate drivers.
Then I decided that if the Universe was trying to slow me down, it was for a reason and I should start to pay attention. Maybe I’m supposed to see something I might otherwise miss or avoid something by not being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
I find I don’t get angry and frustrated in traffic anymore. I still get claustrophobic but now I just go with the flow … and I give myself lots of extra time.
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Several years ago, I went through my “flat tire phase”. It seemed like every time I left the house, I would get a flat tire. There was a lot of construction in the neighborhood so I would get nails and screws in my tires. Sometimes I would notice before I left the house and sometimes it wouldn’t manifest until I was a few blocks from home. It was so frustrating, but to mention expensive. Then I figured that maybe it was the universe’s way if slowing me down for some reason. With that frame if mind, I didn’t mind it so much. Yes, it’s inconvenient but I do often need to slow down and enjoy things instead of rushing by them.
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Interesting that we both came to the same conclusion! It’s definitely easier to accept some of the frustrations in life 🙂
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Wow… makes you think and consider a lot of things…
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