To join in the fun of an informal friendly chat, write your post then add it to the Linky at the bottom of today’s Part Time Monster’s post here.
If we were having coffee, I would greet you at my door and hope that you had a big hug for me. It has been a really rough week and I’m needing some hugs. So come on in, sit down and we can have a talk.
It has now been four weeks since my surgery. This time last week I thought I was beginning to feel better and I was starting to look forward to being well and able to leave the house and get on with things. Then after I wrote Saturday’s coffee share post, I got word that my dad died. I thought I was prepared for it. We had known for a few days that he was nearing the end (he was in “in home” hospice). When word came, I realized I wasn’t ready. And I was all alone in my memories and my grief. I have no family nearby except my daughter who was at work. I didn’t want to get her upset at work so I decided to not tell her until she got home. I got through it. Then each time I spoke to either my sister or my mother on the phone, I would get more details and the tears would spill again. I still feel pretty sad about it.
Two days later, I got the bill from the hospital and although it was discounted by 60%, I know I will be paying them for a long, long time…maybe for the rest of my life. Another blow. The next day my incision began to leak some kind of drainage. I watched it for awhile and took my temperature then finally called the doctor late that night. I spoke to the doctor on call (who fell asleep in the middle of my account of what was going on and I had to keep yelling “hello hello” into the phone; eight minute nap until she woke up!). She said I should just keep an eye on it for 24 hours then we could re-evaluate it. But by the morning, I knew I couldn’t wait 24 hours as things had gotten worse. So there I go back up to the hospital where they did a CT scan and send me home because it was too late to get the results until the next day. Finally I got word the next day that it is an abscess that is draining. Luckily, it is between the outside layer of the abdomen and the incision so we just need to let it finish draining. Fun. Not.
So I have been kind of down this week. It seems that just as I am starting to feel like I can plan on having a normal life, I get hit with something else. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever get to feeling like myself again. Or will they keep finding other things wrong with me. (The CT scan showed a “spot” on my liver that was not seen in the March CT scan and there was a recommendation that it be investigated. However, because my doctor at OHSU is in the OB/GYN department, I’m sure no one will be doing anything about it.)
In any case, I have not felt much like blogging this week. I don’t know if I will feel like it during the coming week but I do want to try to get around to some of the blogs, even if I only “like” and not comment. I’ll try to do better than that, though.
I didn’t read much this week. I think everything I read seems to be coming up flat. It may just be my current frame of mind. I’ve been watching that old TV show, thirtysomething, on Hulu. I used to love that show the first time it ran in the late 80’s. Now, in watching it this time around, the first season struck me as having a bunch of whiny want to be grown ups griping about every bump in the road of their lives; some real childish stuff. I’m now on season 3 of 4 and it’s now better. The characters have had a chance to be developed and their stories are much more real and sympathetic. I’m currently watching a storyline about one of the characters, Nancy, who has ovarian cancer and it has been good for me to watch it because it has allowed me to think about some of things I have been feeling but not allowing myself to think about or express.
Our weather has been cold and cloudy and rainy. Except, of course, on the days I have been stuck inside the house. Then it has been sunny and warm. But I haven’t been able to get out in it. I did get out to drive to the drugstore the other day and right back. It was nice to be able to do something on my own and for myself. But I’m supposed to be “laying low” until the fluid stops draining so no more going out for me for a few days.
How’s your weather? What have you done for fun this week? What roadblocks have you come across? Tell me. Tell me. You’re about my only contact with the outside world!
I guess that’s it for today. I hope that next week I will be feeling a bit more like myself and I do plan on visiting blogs more faithfully this week so please bear with me. And I hope to be more myself next time around.
Have a wonderful week. Enjoy whatever weather you are having. Until next time.
I’m very sorry to hear of all the difficulties, Corina. But you’ve gone through something quite traumatic, and I suppose it’s part of the process to encounter these difficulties, as terrible as it might feel while you’re going through it all. Perhaps the worst is having to face it alone. But I’m sure that you have quite a few friends here in cyberspace who are thinking of you daily and wishing they could just drop in and spend some time with you. That’s the way I feel right now. I remember the deaths of my parents, and thinking… why am I unhappy? It’s right for them. They lived long lives. But the hard part is dealing with the hole in our lives when someone important to us disappears from our world. I do hope you have some good reading material. I do believe that the post operation difficulties will work out all right. Sending you a big hug, and a smile.
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Thank you Shimon. I appreciate you taking the time to stop by with your wise words. I just need a day or two of sun when I am able to go out and enjoy it, even if it is just for a drive in the car. My daughter has Monday and Tuesday off so I’m hoping she’ll take me out in the car for a little bit. I know I’ll get through this. We always do, don’t we? It’s just the getting through the darkness that’s the tough part, especially when it is compounded, one thing after the other. I hope you are well and enjoying nice weather in your part of the world!
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-Big virtual hug- Sorry your week has been so bad. I don’t think anybody is ever prepared for the loss of a parent. And then your set back in your recovery… Hopefully things start looking better soon!
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Thank you, Trent. I’m hoping I can get my son-in-law to bring my grandson over later. He always cheers me up! And he is so concerned about me when he knows I’m not feeling well, and he’s only 5. Thank you for stopping by and for the encouraging words.
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Hugs, my friend. You do need them, as do I. I posted a coffee share but didn’t link. It depressed me and I already was! Take care of yourself!! Get that spot checked out ASAP, if possible. If you’re going to be paying the medical bills the rest of your life, may as well make sure all is ok.
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I found your comment and post, and I’ll make sure they get to the link-up, Deb. Next tie give me a shout-out or PM on twitter or message parttimemonster_dg@yahoo.com if you can’t get it going. Always happy to help. đŸ™‚
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Sometimes there are no words Corina. Only hugs. xxx Keep paddling, and I do hope the sun begins to peep out into your world soon.
I agree with Deb please get that liver spot checked, to put your mind at rest.
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Thanks, Tric.
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That really is a rough week…I’m so sorry that everything came crashing down all at once, and I hope that you are feeling physically better soon (the rest of it is, of course, a long-term process, and not an easy one).
It’s funny, isn’t it, how things one used to enjoy lose their flavor with the perspective of time? Even the most delightful sitcom is based on the premise that people are immature and just plain stupid. Nearly every plot could be derailed by anyone, at any time, simply being honest.
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You’re right about sitcoms. I don’t watch many now. I still enjoy a couple of old classics, specifically I Love Lucy. With that one, there is so much going on that it is funny for kids on one level and for adults on another level and for us almost and over 60s, it’s funny on yet another level. That’s one show that I think will continue to be popular for some time. Or at least I would hope.
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The Dick van Dyke show is still really funny, too…well, except for the painful episodes where they do their old vaudeville acts.
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So sorry to hear of your dad, no matter how much we feel we are prepared for it, the moment it happens still often takes us by surprise. I hope you can be comforted by lovely memories of him during this time. Big hugs to you for all you are going through. It can’t be easy. Definitely get the liver spot checked, please follow through with that as soon as you physically can. Maybe the OB/gyn can recommend a specialist for you to see at that hospital. Keeping you in my thoughts. Paula
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Thank you, Paula. I will talk to the surgeon when I go in on June 2nd and see what the procedure would be for following up on the CT scan regarding the liver “spot”.
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You’re welcome, Corina. Will keep you in my thoughts for all good news.
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Hugs to you Corina I know how dark those days can be when you feel lousy and are not seeing improvement. I hope this week brings sum and healing and you turn the corner
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I’m feeling stronger today. I even took my grandson to pre-school for my daughter because she wasn’t feeling well today. Just a short drive and I walked him in but it felt good to be out.
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I am glad to hear it. Just being able to participate in something “normal” again can lift the spirit enormously.
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I hope you feel better soon
I know how hard it can be to just “bounce back” after so much happening all at once. Remember to take care of you first and foremost.
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I’m so sorry there have been complications! And I understand how disheartening it is when the weather only seems to be good when you can’t enjoy it. It adds insult to injury.
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Gosh, what a week! I’m so sorry to hear about your dad and about the setbacks you’ve had with the healing process. Sending thoughts of comfort to you and hoping that you’re feeling better soon. You’ve got such a lot going on right now—hope the sun is shining on you soon, friend.
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I’m so sorry for your loss Corina and its only natural you wouldn’t feel like blogging. Take your time. The blog will still be here. Do what is important to you xx
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Visiting from A/Z road trip; I think I might have visited your blog during the challenge, but making it a point to visit all blogs that signed up for the road trip.
I’m so sorry about your dad’s passing. We are never prepared, even when we think we are, for a parent to pass. Just allow yourself the time to grieve. So many people think grieving should be over after a period of time, I think everyone grieves differently and takes their own time to do so.
I am sorry about your health; hard thing to deal with along with everything else going on in your life.
I do remember watching Thirty Something years ago when it first came on; I do remember the story line about Nancy’s ovarian cancer that you mentioned here.
Do take care of yourself.
betty
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Thank you for visiting, Betty. I hope to get started reading more of the A/Z road trip posts in a day or two. Thank you for all your kind words, too.
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Big hugs to you! I certainly hope next week looks a lot brighter for you. I’m so sorry for your loss. đŸ˜¦
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I am so sorry about the loss of your father, and that it has been a rough week in other ways. I know it will be tempting to wait, but please get that spot on your liver checked as soon as you can. *Hugs* and I hope things get better for you very soon.
This has not been a great week for me, either, but it’s just the flu and in light of all you’ve been through, that hardly seems worth complaining about.
Take care.
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Wow. I’m sorry to hear about your Dad, what a rough week. I would say give yourself some slack while you adjust to life without him … but it doesn’t sound like you have much slack to give. I’m bringing you big hugs and maybe some cookies, too, if you can eat them. (but who can’t eat virtual cookies?)
A story to make you smile … we went to a picnic yesterday, and there is a small creek bed that was dry. My boys had a great time playing in it, building a dam, and getting muddy. Then as they were walking home, it started pouring rain. I don’t think they could have had a better day.
I hope your recovery goes better in the next week.
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I’m glad your garden is working out and that the boys had such a great day on your picnic. That’s what it’s all about, after all. I’m hoping to get for a light hike with my 5 year old grandson in another couple of weeks. Crossing my fingers.
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I hope you can do a hike with him! Feel better soon!
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I’m so sorry – that’s a lot of hard to be hit with in one week. Holding you in my heart and delivering lots of cyber hugs.
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That is a rough week. I’m sorry for your loss. It can be hard even when we are prepared. Hold in there. Hope this week will be better.
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Thanks for the hug, they always help 2 people đŸ™‚
I am sorry for your loss, and for the other bad news that has hit you last week. I hope that this week will be a lot better for you.
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Sorry to hear you’re having a rough time. I hope things pick.up for you soon. It’s not surprising tbat you are responding in a less than enthusiastic way to things that you normally enjoy at this time, given the loss of your father. Allow yourself to grieve. Thank you so much for coming by my blog I really appreciate it. Hugs. Marje
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Thank you. I’m doing better this week.
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Glad to hear that you’re feeling better. All the best, Marje.
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