Ana Maria

[A little story written many years ago and not previously shared here.  The little girl in the story is not me.  In fact, the story is made up from bits and pieces heard through the years from my own mother who lost her father whom she idolized.  I’m trying to work on the formatting but WordPress is not cooperating.]

Ana María lay in her bed crying silently.  She was six years old and felt all alone.  Nobody understood her.  Only HE understood her and HE was gone again.
Ana María loved her father more than anyone.  She loved her mother too.  She and her mother lived with her grandmother and Ana María loved her grandmother more than she loved her mother.  Her mother was always gone.  Always working.  Her grandmother took good care of her.  But her father…the love she felt for him was greater than what she felt for anyone else.
Her father lived in another town — far away.  She only saw him once in awhile.  She couldn’t remember the days when they’d all lived in the same house.  Ana María’s mother told her that he had moved out and they had been divorced when  Ana María was only three years old — but she didn’t remember.
Her father loved her too.  She knew it.  Not just because he said so and not just because he brought her presents.  Ana María knew it because she felt it every time he came to see her.  She knew by the way he held her close and by the way his eyes looked at her.  She knew from the things he told her and by how he told her.  Ana María had not doubt…her father loved her very much.
Ana María felt very special when her father was there.  He made her feel like she was the most important person in the world.  He never wanted to go away but her mother always made him go.
Her mother was so mean to him.  She hated him..  She said bad things about him when he was gone.  She wanted Ana María to hate him but there was no way she would eve get her to hate her father.  NO WAY!!!  Ana María’s mother fought with her father when he came to visit Ana María.  Why did she do that?  He hadn’t come to see her mother so why did she always make him go away?  Ana María hated her mother for fighting with her father and sending him away.  She hated her mother when she wouldn’t let her go places with her father.
Yesterday had been so special.  Her father had come early.  Just like he’d promised last night when he left.  Her father always kept his promises.  They had gone to a big, expensive restaurant to have breakfast.  Her father let her order eggs, bacon, pancakes, AND chocolate milk.
When breakfast was over, he’d taken her in his pretty new red car.  They had gone downtown to a clothes store and he had bought her a new red dress with a sailor collar that had gold stars on it.  Her father said that now she looked like the sailors at the Navy base in town.  Then they’d gone to the shoe department to get her some new shoes–shiny black ones with a bow and a strap wit a buckle.  She bought new white socks with lots of ruffles, too.
Then, he let her pick out a swimsuit and said they were going to the beach.  Ana María had never had a swimsuit before.  She always wore short pants when they went to play at the water.  On the way to the oceanfront, her father had stopped at a toy store and bought her a pail for playing in the sand.  He let her buy some other toys to bring to the beach with her.
They had played at the water for a long time.  Ana María was so happy to be there with her father.  She kept calling her father “Daddy” so the other kids would see that she had a daddy too–just like them.  Maybe now they would stop being so mean to her.  When they’d finally tired of the beach, he had taken her to lunch.  After lunch, her Daddy said they were going to a movie.  They went home so she could change clothes before the movie.
When they got there, Ana María’s mother was so angry at her father.  They got into a big fight and she told him that they’d all be better off if he went away and never came back.  Ana María had cried and begged her mother to let her father stay for just the afternoon.  Her mother yelled at her and sent her inside the house.
Through the window, Ana María’s father told her not to cry.  He’d be back tomorrow and maybe her mother wouldn’t be so angry.  Maybe tomorrow she would let them go to the movies.  He reminded her that he loved her.  He blew her a kiss, smiled, and walked to his car.  Ana María watched him and cried as he got in his car and drove away.
Ana María had been so upset that she had not been able to have dinner.  She’d gone to bed early.   She couldn’t sleep.  All she could do was cry.   She cried for her father.  She cried because her mother did not love her father and she cried because they hadn’t gone to the movies.
When Ana María’s mother came to see if she was asleep, she apologized to Ana María for fighting with her father and not letting her go to the movies with him.   She promised that when he came tomorrow, she would be nice to him and maybe all three of them could go to the movies.  Ana María smiled at her mother.  She hugged and kissed her.  Finally, she fell asleep.
When morning came Ana María woke up early and put her new dress on.  She knew her father would be picking her up soon.  She waited all morning.  He didn’t come.  At lunch time, she could barely eat.  She tried not to be angry at him.  She tried real hare.  All afternoon Ana María waited for her father.  Something must be wrong.  He always came when he said he would.
Daddy never came.  That night Ana María cried again.  She cried quietly so that her mother would not hear her.  Her mother had been angry at her father all day long because he hadn’t shown up.  Ana María did not want her to be mad at him so she cried as quietly as she could.
Ana María never saw her father again.  She fell asleep crying and when she woke up, her mother was crying too.  She told Ana María that her father’s’s brother had come early that morning to say that her father had gotten very sick.  He had been sick all day and had died before the doctor could get to see him.  He had died of a ruptured appendix.
Ana María did not understand.  All she could understand was that her father would not be coming today.  They would not be going to the movies.  Her father would never be coming to see her again.  Even though Ana María didn’t understand,  she hoped that maybe now her mother would stop being so angry at her father.