This morning, I was doing my laundry and had to run out to get my daughter at the airport. I was wearing a long men’s dress shirt with tails, one I had picked up at the Goodwill to sleep in. I hadn’t slept in it but it was the only thing clean so I put it on and intended to put my pants on under it when they got out of the dryer. I’m only five feet tall so the tails on the shirt pretty much covered me up–if I didn’t move. I ran around the house like this, fixing my coffee and a bite to eat which this morning consisted of egg beaters with a tablespoon of salsa to spice them up. My outfit was fine for home with no one around. However, as soon as the dryer was finished, I would get dressed then leave. The phone rang and it was Tina. Her plane was early. She would be arriving at least 20 minutes before planned. I had to run NOW. But the dryer wasn’t finished with the drying cycle yet so I waited as long as I could then grabbed the clothes, my purse, and my keys and headed out the back door to where my car was parked. I knew that if I didn’t hurry she’d be on the phone yelling at me for not being there the moment she walked off the plane.
It was dark out. Dawn hadn’t cracked its smile yet so I knew none of the neighbors would see me in this shirt-only outfit. I threw all the clothes into the back seat of the car along with my purse and I jumped into the drivers seat, started the car, and headed for the freeway and San Francisco International Airport, an hour away from home. I figured I would put my pants on when I got to the Golden Gate Bridge. I would run into the bathroom and put them on. It would still be fairly dark out and there wouldn’t be any tourists around. The daily commuters would have their minds on getting to their jobs, not on some lady running around with only a shirt and no pants. No one would be the wiser. So I thought.
Off I went. When I got near the Golden Gate, I started to search for a five dollar bill for the toll. I usually have a five stashed in the little compartment under the stereo in my car, just for tolls because we have to pay a toll every time we want to get across the bay. No money. I searched all over and couldn’t find anything. I decided I would have to pull over just before committing to the bridge and get money out of my purse. First problem. I had managed to leave my wallet out of the purse. I had no money. I searched the car and eventually found a couple of ones and a bunch of quarters that I usually have stashed for parking. I had $4.75. I was twenty-five cents short. I figured I would smile nicely and hope they just waved me on. In the meantime, I decided to put my pants on since I was already stopped. The sky was getting light and I had to dress before much more lightness appeared. Second problem. I couldn’t find my pants. Somehow, I had grabbed all of the clothes from the dryer, minus the dark pants which must have stayed in the dryer. Now what? I would have to go on with no pants and time this so that I didn’t have to do anything but pull up to the curb as Tina walked out to meet me.
About five minutes before I pulled up, my cell phone rang and Tina informed me that I had to park the car and come to help her because she had too much luggage to carry by herself. She needed me to help her carry it all. I told her I couldn’t and she started yelling atme that it was my job to help her. I was her mother, after all! I told her I didn’t have any pants on and couldn’t get out of the car. It took some convincing and me threatening to go home without picking her up at all, leaving her to take the airport bus which would cost her $38. She relented and said she’d get everything curbside but I should hold off on my airport approach for another ten or fifteen minutes.
When I pulled up, I couldn’t even help her get the stuff into the car. I had to let her do it all. I felt bad, but this was sort of her fault so I just sat as she piled everything into the back of my Prius then off we went. Of course, it didn’t take her two seconds to start laughing at me for not having any pants on! I was a little upset at her for laughing at me but before long, she had me laughing. Then she got hungry and wanted me to stop at IHOP so we could go in and eat. No way. I had no clothes. I was hungry too, though. I also had to eat because of my medication. I can’t let my blood sugar get too low. So we had to stop and go into a restaurant to eat and I was pant-less! We ended up driving to the Target off the 380 which crosses over from 101 to 280. I sent Tina in and had her buy me some $6 sweat pants so I could at least have pants on when I got out at IHOP. I also informed her she would have to pay for the pants and breakfast. I would pay her back when we got home. I also let her know I shouldn’t be driving because I didn’t have my license on me so she would have to drive us home once we ate. She agreed. She doesn’t like it when I drive because I drive too slow, in her opinion.
We finally got home after laughing all through breakfast. Tina had played the perfect joke on me. She hadn’t gotten me black or dark blue sweats at Target, like I had asked her to. She had managed to find the brightest yellow-orange color she could find, one that required sunglasses to look at them! That’s what I had to wear. I couldn’t exactly refuse. It was either brightly dressed or undressed!
That’s how we spent our APRIL FOOL’S day morning!
[…] Corina delivers once again. Caught Without Pants! is well-crafted. […]
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You didn’t??!! Really???
I’ve often thought I’m a bit old for this particular phrase but my first reaction was: OMG!
What a funny (after the fact) way to spend your April Fool’s day morning. 🙂
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girl this so better be an april fool… i cannot picture you doing anything like this…. or me either for that matter!!!!!
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D’oh!
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This really made me laugh out loud! I thought this stuff only happens to me!
Oh, and I’d keep those pants in case you take up bike riding or walking in the dark… 🙂
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You have the best imagination!
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This was actually very similar to the dream I had on March 31 so I woke up on the first and decided to write it up and embellish for a nice April Fool’s post.
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Oh my God. I HATE days like this!!!!!!!! Glad you got through it though!
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I fell for this hook, line, and sinker … probably because it is so very much like the kinds of things that really do happen to me. 🙂
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Yup. You got me too. My comment was going to be it sounded like the kind of dreams I always have. It makes total sense that this was based on a dream. Good one!
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Pants… of course this reads differently here in the UK. I trust you mean trousers, only I read knickers [undergarments]. Love the Guantanamo orange ‘pants’ – your imagination is clearly in fine fettle.
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I thought this stuff happens to me too.
PS: I want to share information with you that we have project to recovery forest in Indonesia, so i hope you would visit our site and support us.
Thanks
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