Discovering Family Ties

Many years ago, my aunt Sara had an almost unbelievable experience that might fall under the heading of “strange but true”.

My aunt sold Stanley Home Products, usually through home parties.  During  one of those home parties, she began with a “getting acquainted” type of game.  In this game, everyone took turns saying one thing about themselves.  For example, everyone would first say their name then on their second turn they would say where they were born and the third turn would yield another fact, and it would continue in this fashion.  On the first turn, one of them women said her name was also Sara, like my aunt.  Her last name was the same as my aunt’s maiden name, too.  They noted that and chuckled, joking that perhaps they were related.  As the game continued, they found that their father’s name was the same and again chuckled.  Then a bit later they found out that their father’s were born in the same small town in the Mexican state of  Jalisco.  At that point the game ended so that the party could go on but my aunt and the woman with all the similarities decided they would talk after the party.

During that after the party discussion, they realized that they were indeed sisters — half sisters.  They shared a father.  There were about twenty years of difference between their ages but it was through that meeting that my aunt and uncles and my own father found out more information about their father, a man who had disappeared before my father’s birth.  My aunt eventually tracked down her father and realized that at the age of 70+, the man was still fathering children!

Later, at my aunt’s funeral, I saw a young man that looked very much like pictures of my father when he was in his early 20’s.  I was introduced to him only by first name.  His was Ramon.  It wasn’t until weeks later that I learned that the young man, younger than I was at the time, was my uncle.  He was the youngest son of my father’s father, also named Ramon.

Unfortunately, with relatives spread all over the country and with the older ones dying, I’ve not ever been able to discover much more about this elusive grandfather or any children he fathered after he fathered my father and the young man at the funeral.

Il Padrino~Ties

Yesterday I mentioned that The Godfather has been my favorite movie since it came out in 1972 and that as a 16 year old at the time of its release, I wasn’t allowed to go see it, however I did see it.  Here’s the story.

Mr. Matalone was my second period teacher.  The class was Western Civilizations.  Mr. Matalone had been one of my favorite teachers for some time.  He had been my social studies teacher in eighth grade then when I got to high school, he was there.  What he said was gospel.  So when he came into class one Monday morning and told us about having see The Godfather over the weekend, we all listened.  He talked about the movie the entire period then again on Tuesday.  He pretty much gave us a scene by scene narration of the movie.  He went on to tell us about how historically accurate the movie was.  It was also his opinion that it did a wonderful job of portraying the customs of a typical Italian family.  Mr. Matalone was Italian.  He compared the way the different family members related to each other and added that it was very typical of how his own family respected the parents and each other.

That morning we heard about the opening scenes of the movie, and about Connie and Carlo’s wedding and how very Italian the wedding scenes had been.  He basically gave us an extensive critique of the film and then went on to give us a lot of background information on the Italian family and on the United States in the 40’s, which is the setting of the original movie.  Mr. Matalone told us about Johnny Fontane (played by Al Martino) and how the character was patterned after Frank Sinatra with the swooning and syllabication of the song phrasing, and the way the public responded to him.  He also told us of rumors surrounding Frank Sinatra that were portrayed in the movie as part of Johnny Fontane’s characterization.

We listened intently and asked a lot of questions.  Mr. Matalone told us about how his own father had packed up his family and left literally in the middle of the night because he refused to pay protection money to mafiosi in their native Chicago.  The family even changed their name from a very Italian surname to one that sounded more Irish than Italian when they moved cross country, in the middle of the night.

On that day, a lot of us decided we really wanted to see the movie.  We were all pretty young, mostly fifteen and sixteen.  Most of us did not drive yet and we were all pretty sure we weren’t going to get our parents to take us because it had been written up as being very violent.  But we all wanted to go.

About a month later, my parents went out of town without us, something they never did.  This time however, because they had to go during the week and we couldn’t miss school and our older brothers were all of age and living nearby, they let us stay alone.  There were four of us.  My older sister was a couple of weeks shy of turning eighteen and I was almost seventeen.  My younger sisters were fifteen and fourteen.  The plan was that we would stay alone during the week and my brothers would come check on us.  Then on Friday and Saturday, we were to go to my uncle’s house across town and stay there.  So that’s what we did.

My uncle and aunt had a young girl that was working for them as a housekeeper.  She was eighteen.  I got along with her but she was very quiet.  My sisters didn’t really like her.  When we were there, my uncle suggested that we take the young housekeeper with us to a movie or out some place so she could be with someone close to her own age.  He gave us money to go to the drive-in so my sister drove us.  What to see?  What to see?  No one could agree.  So I took the opportunity to push my choice onto the others.  I never did that.  Not now and not then.  I usually sit back and let others have their pick but on that night, I pretty much insisted that we go see The Godfather, telling them that Mr. Matalone had made it an assignment.  So we went.  I love the movie and I could tell them ahead of time what was going to happen, including when to look away, because Mr. Matalone had told us all about the violent scenes.  In the end, my sisters and my uncle’s housekeeper all fell asleep half way through the movie.  I was the only one that stayed up for the whole thing.

Luckily, no one asked what movie we had gone to see.  We couldn’t have lied and I’m sure we would have gotten into trouble.

Since that night, I have seen the original The Godfather at least fifty times, including two more times on the big screen when it played just before the release of The Godfather Part II and again before the release of The Godfather Part III.  I had the three on VHS then again on DVD when I converted to DVD.  Every so often I stick the DVDs in and watch all three movies, one after the other, with lots of breaks in between, and basically spend the weekend watching the three along with the bonus features in the DVD set.  Sometimes I watch just one but mostly, when I watch one, the others follow.

I wonder if Mr. Matalone knew how our opinions and actions had ties to his discussion of that film.  Very often, one influential person’s opinion ties many others to that original person.

Il Padrino

My favorite movie is The Godfather.  I also love Godfather Parts II and III.  It’s difficult for me to describe why it is that I love them, other than to note that they are superb, as films.  The original Godfather movie does not waste a single frame.  It is immaculate from start to finish, in every aspect beginning with the story, casting, cinematography, sound, music, editing, etc.  The makers of this movie did not make a single mistake.

The story that deals with Mafia ties, is one steeped in reality, historical fiction, and actual historic events.  I don’t think there are many people under the age of 30 who have not seen at least one of the three movies.  I also know that many people that haven’t seen even one of them, can quote lines and make other references to the movies.  They’ve become a part of the fabric of American culture.

I was in tenth grade when The Godfather debuted on screen.  I am pretty sure my parents would not have approved of me seeing it.  But I did.  Tomorrow I will tell the story of why I decided to see it and how I ended up seeing it even though I wasn’t supposed to.

Ties~flash fiction

As Mona ties the last of the boxes that will be shipped the next day, a picture flashes into her mind.  It’s a picture that brings a smile to her tired face and old memories into her mind.  Her little girl, years ago, barely three runs to her mommy putting her arms around her neck.  “It’s okay Mommy.  Don’t cry.  I’m here.  I won’t leave you.  I’ll take care of you Mommy. I promise.”  It had been such a big promise for a little girl, but she had kept it.  Daisy had taken care of Mona even when she had not known she was helping her mommy just by needing her.  It had force Mona to stay on track, focused and strong.

Mona and Daisy had gotten through many difficult times and many more good times.  Mona’s pride in her daughter’s success could never fit in to a box or even a dozen boxes.  Her baby wouldn’t be here with her anymore; not physically.  But that was okay.  Mona’s little girl was getting her own chance to build her life.  She would be far away but not really.  Daisy would always be a part of Mona.

Things With Ties

If you think of any others, please leave them in the comments.  I will be doing a “ties” post daily so I can use all the help I can get!

aprons

hats

seat cushions/pillows

dresses

belts

tents (at least I think they have ties that attach to the stakes in the ground?  I’ve never been camping so not sure.)

shoes

hoodies

dress shirts

drapes/curtains

night gowns

boats (they have to be tied down, don’t they?)

Okay, leave me more stuff in the comments.  Please?

Ties That Bind

You know that old phrase “ties that bind” which refers to things that tie us down or ties us back to a place or situation or actions?

Usually, ties that bind can be family obligations or work/career obligations.  Sometimes these ties involve other things.

With me, there are definitely family ties.  I cannot do anything without thinking how it will effect my family and by my family, I mostly mean my three kids but it also involves siblings and my parents and nieces, and all of the extensive family connections.  But mostly, it’s my kids.  If it will effect them negatively, I don’t do it or I will look for a way to do something that will not have the negative associations on my kids.  To me, it all revolves around my kids.

What about you?  What ties bind you and to what do they tie you?

Ties~Annie Hall

If you’re old enough to remember the 1977 Woody Allen movie, Annie Hall, then you might understand this post.

I was in college.  We went to see Annie Hall and I loved it!  I loved her.   I picked up on her wearing a necktie as part of her wardrobe and I wanted to do it too.   One problem, I didn’t have any neckties.  My father didn’t have any and he wasn’t living at home at the time anyway.  My then boyfriend (who later became my husband and is now my ex) had a lot of ties.  He was a lawyer so he wore ties to work all the time and because he was a fairly  new and struggling lawyer (in fact he had not yet passed the Bar exam) he had been gifted with many ties.  One sister in particular would bring a tie to him every so often, for no reason, when she found one that he might like or might look good with one of this two suits.  I figured I would borrow a tie from him.  Before I could do that, though, I found one at a thrift shop.  It would go very well with a three piece pantsuit that I bought for myself with summer job earnings.  I decided I would wear my new tie with the pantsuit, minus the blazer.  I would wear the pants and vest with a white blouse and my tie.

Next problem: I didn’t know how to tie a tie.  I tried to ask but no one around me knew either.  I could only do one thing.  I could wait until I saw my boyfriend and have him show me how to do it.  So the next time he came to pick me up, I was wearing my Annie Hall outfit minus the tie.  I asked him to show me how to tie it.  Instead, he said it was too complicated and he would just do it for me.   So he did.  He made a crack about me wanting to look like Annie Hall and I was glad because I didn’t have to explain it to him.  I felt I had achieved the look!  Later that evening when he dropped me off, he showed me how to take it off without untying it so I could just put it on the next time and tighten it without any help.

I kept that tie like that for a long time and I loved wearing it with my Annie Hall outfit.  That time period was probably the last time I was “up to date” with fashion trends.

When I am out shopping and I see ties, I can’t help but look at them.  I like ties.  I just have no use for them, nor do I know anyone that wears them so for now, I will just remember the “ties of the past” and wait to see if there are any in the future.  (I am having a grandson, afterall.)

Ties

Ties, as in the kind where no one wins and no one loses.

I don’t know but to me, many times, no one really wins in a tie ending.  I’m not sure that anyone wins.  On the other hand, that’s okay.  Does it matter to have winners and losers?  I think far too often we are concerned about winning or losing.  Why can’t we all just try our best and leave it at that?

Why not let the fact that we did our best determine that we are a winner?

93

I came across a poem the other day.  It was in the Copper Canyon Press catalog.  Their catalog is quite nice.  It’s more of a reader than a catalog.  They feature a poem or two from many of the titles in their catalog along with information about the poet and the translator or the anthology, then they list ordering information, resulting in exposing potential customers to a little taste of each of their poets.

This one caught my attention for a number of reasons which I won’t go into but I will copy it here so that you can read it and let it speak to you for your own reasons.

The poet is Maram al-Massri and it is translated from the Arabic by Khaled Mattawa.  It is from a collection called A Red Cherry On A White-tiled Floor.

It’s simply listed as “93″.  I’m not sure if that is the title or if it is with no title and might refer to the page but I am guessing it is the title.

93

I looked into my mirror

and saw

a woman

filled with contentment.

She had bright eyes

that looked with delicious mischief,

and I envied her.

Fingers

On my daughter’s first pre-natal visit, I went with her and saw the baby on the ultrasound.  It was a pretty neat thing but at that size, it was pretty much a blob with a tiny little pulsing spot.

When she went for the detailed ultrasound, I was out of the country so I missed that.

Today, she had to go to Labor & Delivery for what we thought might be a problem.  All is fine but they did do an ultrasound during her 2 hour stay.  I got to see the baby!  I saw fingers moving.  Wow.  Actual fingers.  I saw his head but basically it was a circular area with a “halo” effect around it which I later learned is actually his hair!  But there was no doubt about his little fingers moving around in there.  He’s pretty big so it’s hard to get a good picture but I saw fingers!

I know it sounds pretty silly but I’m quite excited.  It makes him more real.  And I’m the one that got to see it.  Tina didn’t see because the monitor wasn’t set up in a location where she could see but I saw!

More excitement.  More waiting.